Fifty Shades of Mr. Darcy is described as “A titillating mash-up of an erotic bestseller and a romantic classic, peppered with puns.” As an unabashed reader of anything Jane Austen, or Pride & Prejudice… as well as a blushing, shameless fan of E. L. James’ Fifty Shades of Grey, I confess, my curiosity was peaked. How could it not? In a literary world of sequels, prequels and what ifs, it was but a foregone conclusion that someone would lampoon these two bestsellers together. Contrived by a writer with a silly nom de plume, William Codpiece Thwackery, how could this be anything but a hoot? (Warning: Spoilers.)
“It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good riding crop must be in want of a pair of bare buttocks to thrash.” Eh-hem. And that is how we find Elizabeth Bennet, tied to Mr. Darcy’s bedposts, flashing back to how she came to such a moment… Mrs. Bennet, now on her 4th husband, Billy Bob Bennett—she previously bonked to death his predecessors (Thwackery’s word choice, not mine) announces to her family, “I have heard that both men are considerably well endowed. Both have huge packages…” Unlike Austen’s irrepressible Elizabeth who possesses a dry wit, enjoys spotting a fool, and refuses to be taken lightly, this Elizabeth is not even offended by Mr. Darcy’s initial slight; she does at least resist her mother’s pleas to don a leather mini-dress. “If Mr. Darcy considers himself above our station, I can understand it. After all, our stepfather has but two thousand pounds a year, and Mr. Darcy is a man of vast wealth, and well known for his charitable works.” One of which is his support of unwed mothers in a business venture called Hooters. It was immediately apparent that this course, vulgar farce was simply going for shock value. And the mixing of modern with Regency made utterly no sense. But I soldiered on.
In addition to the burlesque plunder of Austen’s beloved Darcy & Elizabeth and Bennet family, a train wreck of meanly written characters are hijacked from both novels. Elizabeth’s Subconscious and “Inner Slapper” continually argue whether Mr. Darcy is in fact gay. Bingley’s sisters have become Looseata and Carrotslime. Mr. Darcy’s grand estate, Pemberley is now “Memberle y.” Lady Catherine is a dominatrix over Mr. Darcy. Christian Grey’s helicopter, Charlie Tango is now a hot-air balloon. Mr. Wickham has become Mr. Wackem who has a penchant for hiring maidens as his unpaid interns in his publishing company. And Mr. Collins is Phil Collins. Yes, that Phil Collins the rock star who used to be in the band Genesis. Continue reading